The most loneliest day of my life (English version)
by MyNameIsBack
Summary: Gray had never been the emotional type. His motto: don't get attached so you won't suffer. But this mindset has never been as much disturbed as during the war with Arbaless, where danger made him realize how much he actually cared about a certain annoying ocean blue hair girl. (The title isn't a mistake but a quote from a song) (translation)
1. Chapter 1

**The Most loneliest day of my life**

Hi everyone!

I'm honored to give you today my first English fiction. I've write quite some fanfiction in the past, but in my mother's tongue, in French, so this is a first. I study English for a while now, and I did my best not to make too much mistakes but if there is, I apologize.

This is a translation of my French story of the same name "The most loneliest day of my life". The title by the way isn't a mistake, or at least, not mine. This is a quote from the song "Lonely Day" of System of a down, I thought appropriate for this fiction.

Hope you like it, fav if so and comment as well, it would be very kind of you

* * *

It was at this exact moment that this weird dream, god knows why, appeared once again.

It reappeared before my eyes like an evidence, a sort of a flash which wakes up inside, feelings you never knew you could have.

I made this dream two or three weeks ago. Waking up, it puzzled me by its strangeness, its incongruity, and in the same time by its realism. It seemed so real: sort of lucid dreaming. And I think, deep inside, I wanted to believe it, just a bit. This is probably for that.

I don't know how to describe it. Most of my nights are dreamless or nightmarish. This dream was unclassifiable, so I thought it was some kind of ramblings. I was sweating when I woke up.

It disturbed me one day, then I forgot it in daily bothers, in the routine, in the joyful noise of the guild. And there it comes, right now, out of nowhere, this unexpected sweetness which the recall stroke me like a long and bitter slap.

To be true, this measly dream started just like any other day. We were all at the guild, chatting, screaming, losing our temper, fighting one another, laughing… Well, the usual and permanent brouhaha of Fairy Tail. Discussions looked terribly real, laughters rang exactly as they always did.

Natsu and I were arguing, nothing new. Erza lectured us with weariness while she had an serious talk with Gadjeel about the quality of the metal, the dexterity of her weapons… Something like that. Lucy, with her lively look, greedy of some gossips, read out loud the _Crime Sorcerer,_ reading she punctuated with quite futile remarks and comments.

Juvia, by her side, smiled and responded sometimes distractedly, more polite than truly interested. She promptly threw looks at me, barely hiding herself. I found it annoying. I think she annoyed me a little, but I didn't tell her anything anymore. I think I didn't mind. Or didn't care, whatever. I was too preoccupied by this idiotic Natsu, who should had done once again something stupid, which I don't even remember. I was so busy that I didn't hear it right away, this little voice.

"**Dad!"**

I barely paid attention. I didn't recognize the voice, light and shrill: a child's voice. I didn't felt concerned either: I didn't even deign to turn my head.

"**Dad!"**

Not only was the little voice more urgent, but it became closer. This little voice turned out to be a kid, tall as three apples, not more than five years, hung up at my legs like a limpet to a rock.

"**Dad! I was so scared!"**

I had a fucking jolt. My eyes became round as two balls of billiard, and I very likely must have become livid. When the kid jumped on me, Natsu only just restrained his flames, and contemplated me, skeptical. I turned left and right, frenetically shaking my head, like I was justifying myself. But what did I even had to justify? I hardly could think, and I asked myself if that could even be possible. The brouhaha progressively got lower, as everyone stood still, looking at me half incredulous, half accusing. But I didn't do anything wrong, for god sake!

"**Eh…"** I said, uncomfortable **"You must be mixing up…"** I searched the others with my eyes, not assured. **"Right?"**

But the kid stuck to it, and took refuge even more in my legs. He started blubbering, I didn't know what to do with myself. I asked for help with my eyes, and instinctively turned to Juvia. I had the impression that she would know how to. Also, even though I couldn't admit, I wanted to explain myself, prove her I didn't have anything to do with all this mess. But despite everything, I saw a lot of deception in the deep ocean blue eyes I fixated with helplessness. It felt like a stab in the back.

After a moment of hesitation, it started crowding around us.

"**Then what Grey? You hid this to us eh?**" Macao said with a mocking tone.

Erza, on her side, seemed beside herself : half between deception, anger and surprise. If the kid didn't prevent me from moving, I would have fled.

"**Gray! For god sake! Who's that kid? What have you done?"**

"**It's not me dammit! Hell, I would have known if I had a kid!"**

"**To others! He looks exactly like you!"**

I stepped back. Curious, I inclined my head, doubtful. I recognized this jay black hair, true, but these eyes I barely caught a glimpse of, they were definitely not mine. They were bluer than ever, even a glance surprised me. Mine were gray-ish, not to say black: we could not see anything behind, whereas his were as readable as a book. The boy then looked up. He really looked like me. This is when I started feeling dizzy. If I was already white, I became translucid.

"**No but I… I never… Well… No I swear it's impossible!"**

I could not be more embarrassed.

"**Where does this kid come from?"** I asked desperately

Levy approached, embarrassed and as surprised as the other. She apparently found him in the library down stairs, where only tough mages could go, and where, to be honest, we would mostly find her. According to her, the boy came from nowhere, between one of the aisles of the tremendous room full of dusty books, on various spells, more or less dangerous, more or less readable, in languages barely identifiable.

"**He seemed lost"** she explained. "**I don't get how he entered. He started panicking, that his friends disappeared… I brought him up stairs to calm him down, but apparently…"**

She gave me an awkward look: she seemed to be rejecting on me the responsibility. It annoyed me. Therefore, I seized, as carefully as I could, the kid to detach him from me. I kept him from a distance and watched him into the eyes.

His eyes were puffy and he indeed looked lost. His hair, raven black, and his traits were somewhat familiar, but I wanted to be reasonable

"**Listen kiddo"** I articulated the clearest way possible to make myself clear** "I don't know who you are, but you are obviously lost. Can you tell me where do you come from?**

"**You don't recognize me?"** He complained, his big blue eyes filling up even more with tears

"**No"** I said more firmly than I would have intended "**Listen… I would have remembered if…"**

His tears intensified even more, his little body agitated with spasms. I looked like a monster, despite all my good will. Seeing how pitiful I looked, Erza stopped me.

"**Let him be, you don't know how to deal with kids"**

I clicked my tongue as she took him in her arms, gently taping his back, whispering reassuring words. She tried to get some information, but in vain. I had stepped back, and, watching him closely, I discerned on the back of his neck some sort of thick and silver chain, which sparkled faintly. I had a weird intuition. This little detail fascinated me so much that I came closer once again, made Erza stepping back, and grasped the neckless

It was heavy, almost too much for a child of this age. The chain seemed also too long, as if it didn't belong to him. But what was even more disturbing was the pendant. What I thought at the beginning being a cross was in reality a sword, finely sculpted in silver. Overall the object was a bit damaged and rusty. My hands were shaking. I couldn't help but contemplating it, stunned. I couldn't hear anymore the ginger lecturing me, besides me.

I could have confound the hair, or the vaguely similar traits. But that neckless, it was mine.

I immediately brought my hand at my chest, to check if it hadn't been stolen, but it was still here. Hesitating, I put both of them side by side. It was a pure copy, some differences aside: the one of the kid seemed older, more used.

"**What's your name?"** I asked in a blank voice, without even looking at him.

"**Silver…"**

I let go the neckless right away. I stood up straight fast, and I felt dizzy. My eyes crossed Juvia's. She saw how troubled I was. If she was doubtful before, this time, she was assured of what he was seeing. It was too much for her, I felt that. She started going away, repressing her tears, and I, like the dumbass I was, was absolutely unable to tell her anything. I was completely lost.

As she went away, her long blue hair in the wind, the scene became even more absurd.

"**Mummy!"**

We all froze again.

"**Mummy! Mummy!"**

Full of hope, the kid rushed on Juvia. Her eyes, although already so big you could loose yourself in it, became even rounder that mine earlier.

The situation became rapidly insane, and we were all puzzled/bewildered. We failed finding any explication. In any case, my groggy mind couldn't give any. The brouhaha restarted as we were searching, Juvia and I, in each other's eyes some clarification. Fortunately, to save us from this shitty situation where anyone seemed able to think properly, what seemed to be the voice of reason rose.

"**Wait! Wait!"** That was Levy**. "Let's all think in a reasonable way. The kid must be around five. You two"** she pointed us with her finger, "**you're barely twenty. Not only does fifteen years old seem early to have a child, but also, five years ago you were…" **She corrected: **"We were all still trapped on Tenro island".** She concluded: **"This child just can't be yours."**

Her declaration was welcomed by a silence. Everyone was in deep thoughts, me included. I found myself very stupid not to have even thought about that. I felt a bit relieved, but something still didn't sound right. If the child wasn't ours -and it just couldn't be- how could we explain all of these coincidences? Natsu first broke the silence.

"**But look at him! He looks just like them! His name is the same as Grey's father, plus he has his neckless. That can't be coincidences, or else…**" He turned toward the boy. **"Or else someone's making a fool out of us and this brat isn't what he pretends to be."**

The "brat" stepped back and curled up a bit more, looking scared. I darkened suddenly. Is there someone sufficiently sick to send a kid that looks like me (us), with my neckless, my hair, this name, _her_ eyes? Some unexpected rage rose inside of me. This kind of plan seemed so coward, so terribly well-thought… What kind of resentful, obnoxious and full of hate being could imagine that?

Nonetheless, close to me, I felt Lucy, way calmer, stepping closer. She seemed to have an idea in mind. She gently taped my back to calm me down, then went on the boy.

"**Tell me Silver"** She said with a soft voice. "**What day is it today?"**

The question seemed pointless, but I listened carefully. Lucy was the kind perceptive, I wanted to know what she had in mind.

"**The 21****st**** of April… I think…"**

Until that, nothing special. Natsu was losing his temper. Lucy quickly agitated her hand, asking him to keep quiet. She added:

"**Which year?"**

"**X803…"** He sighed, like an evidence, and added, apparently upset, **"And I'm five and a half!"**

I felt very dizzy again. We were indeed the 21st of April, but of X792! This kid, if he wasn't lying -and he didn't seem to- came from ten year in the future.

I had seen crazy things, but that was a first. I mean, between the members of the guild, each as odd as the other, and the world we evolved in, which offered new crazy things each days, I thought nothing could surprise me anymore. I was deeply wrong, far from thinking than beside this strange world, the parallel world of Edolas, which was, at the time, already a revolution, we could imagine a path between times. And more than everything, this future, which stroke us like a pure scientist aberration, was _mine_! Everything seemed unreal: in ten years, I was supposed to have a child of five? With Juvia? I frenetically shook my head: no way. But it seemed real. I blinked once or twice, but at this time, it didn't -yet- seem like a dream.

The situation became somewhat clear, and some pragmatics immediately searched for a solution. Therefore, while Lucy and Levy were determined to see in which book we could find the appropriate spell, others, like Mirajane, Lisana or even Juvia, thought still chocked, decided to take care of the boy, completely scared and panicked.

Me, I needed a smoke . Or two. Three maybe. Very, very quickly.

I am not generally the big smoker type. But in extreme or stressing situation, I feel it necessary. Sometimes, two weeks can pass without I give it any thoughts. Some days, I feel like smoking two full packs. It was one pack a day after the second disappearance of my father. I had though slowed down after the conversation we both had, Juvia and I, this day. But at this moment (which happened after to be a dream), I needed it terribly.

Juvia does not like that I smoke. I remembered thinking about it. How did she say already? Ah, yes. According to her, I "damaged the marvelous body Mother of Nature gave me". I smiled. Crap. Thinking about her made me want even more to smoke.

So I went out. I needed fresh air. And a lot of toxic smoke in my lungs. Against the wall, I lightened up my cigarette with a shaky hand, then closed my eyes and brought it to my mouth. I just started to feel a bit more distressed when I heard a big noise. I thought it couldn't be weirder. Guess what? I was wrong. Again.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi!

If last chapter was light, this one isn't… Contains spoil of chapter 499/episode 307

Hope you'll like it, and tell me what you think, in a comment or a fav, thank you!

Enjoy!

* * *

I almost spit my cigarette out and I violently coughed, flabbergasted for the third time in a day by what I had in front of my very eyes.

My double._ Purely_ and_ simply_ my double. I couldn't believe it, but this man right in front of me as if he just fell off the sky, I felt, couldn't be anyone else. I don't know how to say it otherwise. He was my spitting image: same hair, same facial features… It was simple: Had I come closer, I am convinced I would have seen the same scars. He seemed nonetheless to be older ; merely; let's say more mature. His eyes -that is to say mine- were determined, confident, focused, as if he had some duty to achieve. He looked up, saw me, opened wide his eyes; his face turned straight white. Then he became agitated and turned his head back, trying to give the impression he didn't see me. Beyond the oddness of the situation, and because it didn't make as much of a difference anymore, I found it ridiculous, even insulting.

"**Eh! Don't act as if you didn't see me!"** I yelled at him.

He froze, then closed his eyes, before continuing his walk more slowly.

"**Are you kidding me?"** I lost my temper and started to laugh nervously. "**Is that a freaking joke or what? Talk!"**

He eventually stopped, sighed, then said on a monotonous tone:

"**Yeah, right, you got me, that is a joke"**

He was far from convincing. I frowned.

"**Surprise!"** He added in a -vain- attempt to give it a bit more energy.

He just got into deeper water. He didn't seem to want giving much more effort to his mediocre lie. Therefore, he took back his determined step, before I stopped him once again.

"**You weren't looking for a kid, by any chance?"**

It would have been a dog, I am pretty sure he would have raised his ears. In this case, he stopped dead, stood back up, and looked straight in my eyes. I have to say, I was a little impressed. I guess this is the effect I usually do to people: cold, piercing and unreadable eyes.

Regardless, I read in his silence some kind of positive answer. Therefore, I -quite laboriously- kept going, barely believing what I was about to say:

"**Are you… by any chance… my… er…"** I was looking for the exact expression "**My… Double from the future?"**

The situation was strange for him too, I suppose. But he certainly was more aware than I was. He sighed:

"**I guess you can say that"**

He looked pissed. I guess I look like this most of the time. And I got pissed too.

He eventually added:

"**Listen, I know… you're eager to know things from the future, but I can't say anything. I'm not even supposed to talk to you. So if you don't mind…"**

"**So this is… your son?"**

I cut him off, I couldn't help myself. I was so curious. He nodded, stingy with words. Then he went away. At least is what he got ready for, but he -almost unwillingly- stopped. I don't know what went through his head. Maybe did he consider the feelings of his young self, or maybe had he really a message to send.

"**Listen. All of this may seem odd, even surreal…"**

"**What? Seeing people **_**from the future**_** coming from nowhere? You think?"**

"**No dumbass"** He rolled his eyes. **"Me, well, you, in the future"**

He struggled with his words too. It made me feel better. That was strange for both of us.

"**What I want to say, is that it may appear impossible to you to consider… A family like this"**

He was right. I rarely considered my future. I always had lived bit by bit, day by day, appreciating every minute, foreseeing an end as brutal as imminent. I had been too naïve in the past to be surprised again. I had light sleep, and a sharp instinct. To be honest, I didn't fear as much my own death than the one of my close ones. Therefore, since childhood, my parent's death, Ur's, and others', I had stupidly convinced myself that you couldn't lose something you hadn't already had. Consequently, I thoroughly built a wall between me and others.

I know, it was vain. Fairy Tail wasn't exactly the place for that. So I gave in a little, that is true. Nonetheless, I never thought about_ something_ _else_. The word "family" meant nothing more than the guild, which changed each day, and which I could allow myself not to see for two weeks. To make things short, this mindset explains also why I was so confused in this dream.

"**It seems impossible…"** He looked for words -I never was a great speaker- **"...because you're scared to lose everything. And I still am, you know… But to be honest, I've known so much happiness these past years that… I can't just go back."**

He smiled foolishly. Here, I could clearly see the years between us. His smile formed light wrinkles, and his speech seemed so unlikely coming from my mouth. I barely believed what he was saying, that was surreal. But my heart was beating so fast, despite myself, as if burning of hope and excitation.

"**I can't tell you what is going to happen, but if you want a piece of advice…"**

He looked for the appropriates words again, careful not to give any piece of information.

"**Don't… limit yourself in your feelings. I mean, be opened to… opportunities… When it comes to women for instance…"**

He was searching into my eyes, if I got where he wanted to go.

"**You mean Juvia?"**

His expression changed, he nodded more or less, shrugged his shoulders: he didn't really want to spit it out. But that was undoubtedly a 'yes'. I kept asking things anyway:

"**So you came for… Silver?"**

From the beginning, I couldn't call him that way. It was really odd, pronouncing his name, my father's name. It brightened up scars which merely closed, and it gave too much credibility to this non sense situation.

"**He gave his name huh?"** He gave a light laugh, a bit embarrassed.

His laugh, as much as his expression seemed so far from familiar. I felt uncomfortable. I followed:

"**You came alone?"**

"**Yeah"** He answered, absent-mindedly "**It was complicated with Juvia being pregnant…"**

He stopped. His eyes wide opened, mine too. He had this panicked look of someone who just dropped the exact piece of information he should have kept.

On my side, I became even more pale. It was a lot to take in a day for a single man.

"**What?"**

"**Huh?"**

"**You said pregnant?"**

"**Who? Me? No… I meant…"**

He was truly embarrassed. Then he threw a furtive look toward the huge half opened door of the guild, and finally lost his patience.

"**Listen, act as if you never heard, alright? I've got to go"** He stared firmly at the inside of the building. **"I have better to do"**

He turned away quickly, and made his way toward the big door, not letting me reply more. He literally just threw a bomb at me and went away as if nothing. But I needed answers. So I followed him till the partially open door, where I halted to watch the scene unfolding before my eyes.

I saw my alter ego making his way toward the kid, ignoring the confused other members of the guild. Near the boy, he signaled to the girls to let him do his own thing. The most surprised, I could see it even from my place, was without doubt Juvia. But she was also the quickest to understand, and told the girls to move. It looked like she immediately got that this wasn't _her _"Gray-sama". I'd say I was kind of touched by that.

My double then leaned toward the child. He took a soften look, and smiled: both things I never do. He took his tiny hands. I could not hear what he was saying, but this looked like the sweetest words I imagined myself capable of. The boy calmed down: he took his hands to his eyes, probably to dry his tears. With the full weight of five, I could see it, he tried regaining confidence in front of his father, who answered with a crooked smile. Next, I could, in all likelihood, see "me" apologize in front of the stunned guys of the guild. He ended up by taking out of his pocket a paper with certainly the spell of return on it: they disappeared as promptly as they came.

This is how my dream ended. This last mere scene which I was just a spectator of warmed my heart up more than I would have believed. In the clouds where I found myself, I think I feverishly smiled.

Is that it? Death? I always thought it would be unpredictable, brutal. I had accepted it. At least I thought. But god, how much I would I loved to be wrong. I tried, in this vague instant of delirium, where my thoughts muddled up, to convince myself I wasn't disappointed and I excepted nothing. But you are never as truthful as in your last instants, and I could not help but keep bringing up the same ideas, the same face. Her face, Juvia's face, the last thing I saw before I collapsed. We collapsed.

This fucking… What was his name already? Evel? Invel? Coward as he was, instead of confronting us, had decided to set us against each other. He threw us a curse, so that we'd fight each other. We could not come out both alive from the evil spell: we were doomed to kill the other, as we slowly lost control of our minds.

This was the worst torture possible. Hurt a comrade, a friend, was already unthinkable. But I had to admit it, it was at least ten times worst to touch even one of_ her_ hair. I realized it at this exact moment. A shiver, as I never felt some as sharp, painfully crossed my spine.

I quickly lost control. She attacked me as well. We were not anymore so much conscient of what we were doing. My mark expanded inexorably on the upper part of my body, I could just scream, of rage and powerlessness.

We both stopped a moment, breathless. I had a brief instant of lucidity. I could not keep doing this. I knew I had a physical advantage. But neither could I let myself be: the spell excited each of my muscles, I was beside myself. My body was unstoppable. Also I thought briefly: giving up would have forced Juvia to kill me. I could not let this on her conscience.

I had taken my decision. No hesitation, it seemed to be the only solution. The following second, as I fulfilled my duty, I opened my eyes wide. I could not believe what was happening.

"**Why…"** I cough painfully **"Did you… such a stupid thing…?"**

We had the same idea, at the exact same moment. It was hardly believable. We both stabbed ourselves to make an end with this absurd and nightmarish fight. Her, with a sword of water, me, with a sword of ice. I found it so stupid, so vain, so much of a shame. Once again, I should have predicted it, she had always been so stubborn. But for god sake, why didn't she got over me? Why did she got so attached to me that she gave her own life?

"**Gray-sama…"** She articulated painfully, blood dripping from her mouth. **"It's impossible…"**

That was stupid! Stupid! I gritted my teeth. I had tears in my eyes, so did she. It was tears of helplessness, more than pain.

"**I would never… hurt a friend… No… I just can't hurt **_**you**_** anymore"**

I felt she was moved by my words. She laid on me a sweet, compassionate, even satisfied look. She seemed appeased. I had somewhat the impression that she wanted to give a last good, beautiful image of herself. So that I don't worry, so that I don't regret. But I wasn't satisfied, and I was worried, I regretted. I regretted so much. I would have wanted to protect her, at least that.

"**I wanted to protect you… at all cost… But I failed"**

These were my last moments of lucidity. We collapsed in a same move. I merely felt the chains around my neck vanishing in the air, as my conscience raved, and slowly sank.

I regretted so much, so much more than I would have believe it before that. It was ridiculous to think I had no ties, that I would not regret my death, or that I wouldn't be overwhelmed again by the death of someone else. I screwed everything up, once again, like an asshole. But I thought that it was just a matter of minutes before I lost all the strength and life I had left to keep thinking about it. My regrets would leave with me. At least it consoled me.

But something unpredictable happened. Something which made me feel even more miserable and pitiful than before.

I felt like living.

I shouldn't have. I must have be raving, that couldn't be. I slowly regained consciousness, my breath rebecame steady. I didn't know what was happening. I was dead. Well, at least I was dying. My wound was too important, it was impossible, I shouldn't have come through it. Yet I felt in my body a strange sensation, as if my blood restocked, and my heart started pounding normally again. But the sensation was even more particular, and I felt coming up some sort of familiar presence.

I got up in one go, too preoccupied to worry about my headache or my throbbing injury. I couldn't believe my eyes, I was horrified by what I was seeing. A dash of blood flowed as a perfusion from Juvia's arm to mine.

She didn't do that! She couldn't have! I contemplated her, powerless, loosing energy while I regained some. Her agony to my favor. A true nightmare.

In my head, god knows how, I suddenly heard her voice, so clear and calm while I was absolutely panicked. _"Water make 'blood'"_ She explained slowly. _"In case of the worst scenario"._ I swayed between anger and distress. How could she have even thought of that? She anticipated her sacrifice. She anticipated it! I felt so powerless, so wretched. I came closer, feverish, shaking. I would have killed for it to be a dream.

"_Juvia will be living inside of you from now on"._ I took her in my arms, I cried. I didn't want that. I wanted her, alive. I didn't care about me, I just wanted her to open her eyes. _"This is why… There is no reason to be sad"._ I wasn't sad, I was desperate.

"**This can't be happening…."** I repeated for myself.

I cried like I never had before, and screamed as if I would tear away my vocal cord.

"**I promise… I'll take your feeling seriously, so…"**

Hurt and desperate, I tried to negotiate. As if a promise I should have made way earlier could change anything. As if my words would make her open her eyes. I thought in my cloudy mind that she'd listen if it was me. I fascinated her so much. But she already couldn't hear me anymore.

Our memories… They flashed up on my eyes misted over with tears. Our meeting so absurd, her obsessions, her gifts, her weird expressions, her clumsiness. I thought about our fights, our teamwork, about the trust and mutual respect we had for each other. I thought about this time, in front my father's grave, where I let myself go, and where she comforted me without a word.

"**I'm begging you… Open your eyes… Please… Juvia"**

I was so stupid, so selfish, so arrogant. What was she even asking for? An answer? A word? Some attention? And I couldn't have given her that? She deserved way more than that. This woman… She had her heart set on me, gave me so much attention, so much love. I had never understood, and I did not still. She gave her life for a jerk, for free, innocently, as if obvious. And I didn't give her anything back. Yet she deserved all of the attention of the world, all of the love and tenderness she begged for. Any man, less stupid than I was, would have unhook her the moon. I had not even been capable of protecting her. And yet god, I loved her.

I started loving her without realizing it. She was my confident, the one who saw me clear behind my solid shell. My wall, with her, became a mere curtain. I had dropped my guard. She was so insistent. Her smile ended up being one of my great pleasures, for its sweetness. Her voice, though sharp, even shrill, I would have listen to it undefinedly, over and over again. And her eyes… Her deep, pure, gracious blue eyes… I was fascinated by them, I couldn't hold the look.

But these eyes wouldn't open. Between my helpless hands, Juvia's body became colder and colder, weaker and weaker. And me and my shitty ice, we couldn't do anything, neither to revive her, neither to warm her up. I was mad with despair.

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Don't forget to put some comments, I'd be glad to read them, and it's a fabulous gift for my work! Thanks by advance!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't recall exactly what happened next. My hatred and my sorrow cut me off any sensation. I only was a heap of pure and blindness anger when I found the bastard who did this. I was taken in a killing frenzy: I would have needed me less than a minute to shot his head off. My body was giving away, and I was aware of that, but I didn't care.

"**You stole her future you bastard!"**

A little more and he was agonizing on the floor. Something though restrained me from finishing him off. She wouldn't be coming back. That wasn't worth it. I only had my tears left. There was no satisfaction in defeating the enemy.

I felt desperately lonely.

"**She… She won't come back. This won't bring her back"** I whispered for myself between my teeth.

The other, in a way more pitiful state than I was, started talking. I barely listened: his deformed features and his panting voice disgusted me and brought me right back in the face Juvia's death. Nonetheless, he ended up catching my attention.

"**The most powerful and terrible of all Zeref's demons, your real mortal enemy… Is a man you know too well: Etherious Natsu Dragneel"**

My head started spinning. I was in a curious state. My wound began being painful again, while my mind was half way through the despair of mourning and the horror of the news.

It was, I guess, too much for a single man. I turned mad, and my memories of this day stay still blurred and scattered with dark areas. After that, the only thing I remembered is my face to face with "End".

Natsu, my best friend, undoubtedly one of the persons who knew me the best, was in front of me. Blinded with my hate, I immediately rushed on him, my mark spreading even more on my body, covering already half of my face. But Natsu was no better, as unstoppable, yelling to whoever that he wouldn't restrain himself. He had that same crazy look I had. Our fight had nothing to do with the ones we had in the past. We wouldn't avoid or spare each other anymore. We were both bloodthirsty, a feeling none of us ever experimented. I spat at him:

"**I'm gonna fucking kill you, die you monster!"**

I never believed a word of this, of course. But this day, I really had the intention of killing him. This incontrollable rage is one of the things I fear the most. I am _scared _of that stranger I became on that dreadful day. Now on I regret it and I'm ashamed telling this, so is Natsu. But we were both blinded, he told me later, by the infinite grief of the loss of the one we loved. Me, with Juvia, him, with Lucy whom he left covered in blood nearby, thinking she was already dead.

We took it out on each other with some horrifying indifference and concentration. Each impact was of incredible violence, our screams were barely humans'. That fight made no sense, we only destroyed mutually without any act of consciousness. My mind was empty, purely and simply settled in present time, without any thought given to the consequences, our past, or the bond which always united us. I was unable to see in front of me the best friend he had always been, and couldn't see anything else than "End", the destructive monster, source of all my misfortunes.

Truth is, at this very moment we both became mindless monsters. Natsu's look was emptied of any feelings, his pupils looked like two dark flames: it was indefinable. The flames surrounded him with so much ardor they seemed to devour him. And I swear I saw, instead of hands, immense claws of black fire. On my side, my mark kept spreading: a bit more time and I would have completely lost control.

Yes, without Erza's intervention, I don't know where I would be today. Like the big sister she had always been for us, she was always there to stop our stupid fights. And there she was again, stepping in between two morons in full swing. She started shaking, and even crying. Some would have though she was shaking and crying out of pain, but that was too bad knowing her.

"**Can you tell me what are you doing… you fools?"**

It stopped us neat. The impact didn't seem to have troubled her so much, yet she was crying. Her eyes, deeply hurt, were pouring what seemed to me litters of tears. It had on us the effect of a chock.

Natsu and I had already seen Erza crying. It seemed to us unthinkable and especially unforgivable. How can such a brilliant, brave, powerful and determined woman could cry? Each of her tears were worth dozens. Her cry reminded us for just a moment that she could also be vulnerable. And if we most of the time considered Erza as a protective big sister, we had both given us the mission to avenge her tears and eradicate the origin of it.

And here, we were absolutely astounded to see that the origin of her misfortunes and of her tears, was none other than us.

"**Look at you! And tell me what you see! An enemy? A friend? I don't know what is going on, but you are going to forget your anger right away!"**

And indeed, after that moment where we gazed at each other with stupefaction, we had forgot it, our anger. Her words and tears brought us back straightway to reason.

"**Don't ever forget… your history"**

Our memories togethers invaded me as a surging wave, as if I had forgotten them. Our youthful (and adult) fights, our laughter, our victories… We grew up together after all. I saw Natsu calming down, and there was only a bit of smoke escaping his body left. As for my mark, it vanished in less time we need to say it. Then Erza took us in her arms, and hold us as tight as she could:

"**I love you both… from the bottom of my heart"**

She appeased all of this accumulated hatred and rancor with nothing more than her presence, so much so that I suddenly felt heavy, once the adrenaline came back down.

And this is at this exact moment, where my conscience sadly went back, that I heard this particular voice, sharp and familiar, the one I thought never hearing again.

"**Gray-sama!"**

I turned back as if in front of a ghost. It was her, I couldn't believe it. How…?

"**Juvia's fine, though she has known better days…"**

Wendy sustained her with difficulty, she was shaking in her whole body, and was covered with injuries. Her voice was feverish too, and I had the impression she was standing by some miracle. But she was alive! Alive! I could not believe my eyes, it seemed like a dream. My heart started racing, maybe too much, because I lost balance.

"**Juvia…"** I whispered before falling on my knees.

An immense relief crossed my body, seeming to allow me a bit of rest. While this immeasurable happiness caught me, I felt my consciousness fainting progressively, as I was falling on the ground. My last memory before the blackout was Juvia, whom I vaguely saw rushing on me, with all the strength she had left, to support me in my fall, before fainting herself.

I learned after that -not from Natsu himself- that Natsu passed out also just after seeing Lucy was indeed safe and sound.

This fight, as absurd as it could be, had nevertheless determined all of the following. The war was far from finished, but we at least got things straight. Therefore, when I woke up, I was well convinced that Natsu was besides everything Natsu, and that I_ had_ to help him till the end.

This is in this purpose that I faced Zeref and nearly died, again, doing exactly what I always do, in an impulse of braveness some consider as cowardice: scarifying myself. I had come alone to the encounter of our enemy, an inconsiderate gesture I had yet deeply thought about. My ice seemed to me to be the only solution to neutralize End without doing any harm to Natsu in the same time. I would not have killed Zeref, but imprisoned him for eternity, which was almost better. I had planned everything: the spell, in the same time as it annihilated my body, would erase each memories people had of me. It was perfect. I would be gone without generating more suffering. That was all I wanted. No more cry, no more regrets. The pessimist I had always been would have use his last instants to make good.

But that was without counting on Natsu who pushed me against the floor and stopped me in full swing.

"**Bonehead! Did you forget? I already prevented you from using it…"**

"**I tried to kill you!"** I replied "**All of you! Because I was blinded by emotion… I don't belong to the guild anymore!"**

"**And so do I!"** He bent his head down, on his knees, facing me. I'd remember for a long time this face. I saw in it a mixing of confusion, pain, regret, and in all likelihood anger too.

"**We're friends huh? … Right that we're friends?"**

I laugh a bit today, thinking about it, because he was damned pathetic: with runny nose, all shaking and moaning, without mentioning the kilometers of tears rolling down till his scarf. But in front of him at this very moment, I mostly understood how cruel I had been taking this kind of decision.

"**Stop wanting to die for god sake! Live! I won't die even if I beat Zeref! I promise!"**

After that, he got back on his feet and wiped his tears away with his sleeve to finally face the famous Zeref, the immortal source of so much legends, the one it seemed so insane wanting to kill.

Natsu was far better than I was, I realized.

In any case, it just reinforced my conviction to fight at all costs by his side.

This war, after what seemed to us like an eternity, and after many others sufferings and difficulties, eventually ended. Some didn't believe it anymore, and it had needed a lot of tenacity and courage: fighting with hopeless rage, despite grief and pain.

Needless to say that when we finally could contemplate the damages, we were facing true horror. Everything was wrecked. Magnolia was not much more than a heap of ashes, as well as Hargeon and loads of other cities of Fiore, by the way. The cathedral we so frequently admired from the outside without really entering in was now on in ruins. Numerous houses were reduced to a pile of stones, sometimes even nothing was left. The guild we so hardly rebuilt the last time wasn't in better shape.

But to be honest, that wasn't the most important. Everyone thought first about their close ones. Everyone were wondering how were father, mothers, sister, brother, friend, wife, husband, children.

We had to count our dead also.

The injured were dispatched in the hospitals left, somewhere else in the country, where they suffered less of the war. The one of the guild did not make any exception: we were too many for Polyussica and Wendy alone, particularly as they accumulated as much fatigue and injuries as the others. They could only alleviate the most urgent: Natsu the first, then Grandpa, Laxus, Gadjeel…

They judged as well that I was a part of these "most urgent", though I didn't feel particularly affected. But I was actually in a very bad state, Juvia told me so after. I was hurt all over my body, covered with blood and injuries. The ice I used to fill in my wounds with were not enough anymore, and melted noticeably. And I had still that vast and wide opened wound at my stomach, which I still keep a damned scar of.

In front of Wendy, nonetheless, I gracefully declined any help. I was in such a state I didn't even feel pain: I felt dizzy, as if I was drunk. I took it lightly, and even suddenly stood up, to show how fine I was. But it didn't make more than two seconds before I lost balance, giddy. Juvia, standing behind me, and though also in bad shape and exhausted, caught me right back. I couldn't see her face, but I knew she was worried. She was holding me the tightest she could, and avoiding as best as possible my wounds.

"**Let her do, Gray, please"** She murmured with concern.

She never called me "Gray".

I immediately became obedient. I soflty put my hand on her arm which hugged me still, and let Wendy give me the first aid.

We stayed a long time like this, saying nothing, to only hear each other's breath. I closed my eyes without falling asleep, although I was dying to. I just wanted to enjoy and measure how lucky we were. She began casually stroking my hair, innocently, as if she was used to it. I let her do without a word, and even smiled. No one said anything, laughed at us or interrupted. This moment was ours, the moment we would not have anymore even dreamt of. And I promise myself this day: the first of a long list.

All of these ordeals had ended up seal our relationship: it was no use to deny it -I didn't want to anymore, for that matter- and we had nothing more to prove. But I had made her a promise. I had promise her words, speaking, answer. That is what I tried, with all my clumsiness, to give her a night at Fairy Tail, weeks after, in the now rebuilt guild.

I remembered coming close to her, sheepish, blushing till the ears. She found it adorable, but I panicked even more. I jabbered through nonsense, turning my head away. I was all the more embarrassed as she kept smiling, out of satisfaction and love. She won, she knew it, and I had to swallow all of my pride to finally tell her what she understood anyway in my eyes. To the point where we were, there was no surprise, or at least, I didn't maintain it anymore. But even so, she waited patiently these few words she waited for way too long.

She knew what I was about to say. She very certainly imagined it over and over again, and it was probably better than I was able to do. I knew it would be less good/perfect if I started to talk, but I owe her that, at least.

"**You know… this answer… I had to give you…"**

"**Yes?"**

Her eyes, which I unfortunately crossed -because I immediately forgot what I wanted to say- pushed me to keep going, but I didn't have the words. I never had. I had never been neither a smooth talker, nor a talker at all. So eventually, upset and impatient, I whispered a "Screw it" and kissed her.

I ended up the kiss in a fine sneering smile while she looked at me with big stunned eyes. I finally could surprise her, and I surprised myself even. Me who never wanted to get attached to anyone, ended up loving and cherish someone who would never leave me and I would never want to leave. I had, all in all, eventually begun to be within reach of something my weird alter ego from the future promised me: a little of happiness.

* * *

ALRIGHT! So it looks like the end, but it's not. And to be honest, the mood is going to change a little bit in the few next chapters. Stay tuned, I'll upload it under another name "Sweet dreams", which is already published in French on my account.

Anyway, I hope you liked it! Leave a com or a fav to tell me so, I'd be glad to have your opinion ^^


	4. Second part Sweet dreams now online

Hi !

Just wanted to inform you that the second part of "The most loneliest day of my life" is now published under the name "Sweet dreams" on my profile: I was very pleased to write this part (which will be in 3 or 4 chapters, don't know yet) and as I finally translated the first chapter, I am glad to ask your opinion on it (my writing in English, the general storyline…). The story sets years after and this is a lot of slice of life, the chapter 1 is a lot of fluff (but I swear it doesn't look too silly)

Hope you'll like it! 😉


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